Beware These Dating Red Flags

• Posted on May 04, 2011 7:00 AM by kenya

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There are some character flaws that you definitely know mean "stay away" -- if the guy has a substance abuse problem, for example, or if he's verbally abusive. But sometimes the signs of a bad dude can be a little more subtle. Here are a few things to watch out for:

 

1. he treats People in the service INdustry badly.

The quickest way to tell if a guy is a jerk is how he treats people who are paid to wait on you: a restaurant host or hostess, your waiter or waitress, — you get the idea. Dock him points if he does any of the following: blames or berates a waiter/waitress for something that isn't their fault, pulls a "unajua mimi ni nani?" power move, tips poorly on purpose ("That's coming out of his tip"), or displays general impatience, followed by taking it out on the staff. If you get genuinely bad service, there are gentlemanly ways to handle it: politely asking to speak to the manager, for example. But screaming at the wait staff is a sign that he'll treat you with equal disrespect if you disappoint him. This is kenya anywayz, and everybody is usually late

2. He always "forgets" to hit the ATM.

We are all for splitting bills or buying a round of ka-black ice if he shelled out for the msosi — this is 2011, after all. But if the guy you're seeing never offers to foot the bill (even on the first date), invites you to an fancy place you can't afford but then expects you to pay your way, or conveniently is in the bathroom or has forgotten his wallet when the check comes, it's highly possible that he's either a freeloader type or just plain inconsiderate. Inexpensive dates are awesome (hello, a walk in the park and ice cream afterward? yes please!), but making you go to the hilton when you're struggling financially yourself is just bad manners.

3. All he talks about are exes, exes, exes.

So, say not only does he talk about all the other women he's dated, which is incredibly tacky, but he describes most of them as "crazy." Run while you can, because chances are this guy feels he has no flaws (and therefore played no part in the demise of the relationship). If you do get involved, after the two of you have broken up (and you will break up) he'll tack you on to the end of that list as another "crazy" chick. Cue the Psycho music. Plus, with a laundry list of exes long enough to go on and on about in detail, chances are this guy is a playboy...or so emotionally stunted he needs to compensate for his insecurities with a constant stream of women. You don't need that in your life.

4. He Flirts with other women in front of you.

Every red-blooded straight man is going to find other women attractive, but openly gawking at another woman's derriere or engaging in witty, flirty banter with your waitress, or your best friend is unacceptable. hata kama ni msupuu aje! During a date, you should feel like the only woman in the room, and if he's scanning it for someone better, know that you can do better too.

5. he Booty-calls you instead of making plans.

Ahhh, the 10 p.m. (or 3 a.m.) text: "What are you up to?" or "Want to hang out?" or "R U out?" If you like the guy and get a text like this, your heart will flutter, and you might be tempted to accept, but don't. If a guy doesn't make a real date with you — or only wants to meet up when he's had a few beers with the guys (or another woman), boot him out of your life. You deserve plans made in advance, with you and only you.

Get Happy To Find Love

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Finding love can be a complicated affair. Sure, sometimes it sweeps you off your feet when you least expect it, but most of the time, we have to work for it. One of the best ways to attract love into your life is by feeling and projecting happiness. We’ve come up with some of the ways being happy can help you bust out of your dating rut and find lasting love.

Happiness breeds confidence.

When you're confident, you have an ease about you that attracts the right kind of people -- nice people who are more likely to treat you with the respect you deserve. When you lack confidence and feel unhappy, you're more vulnerable to guys who aren't worth your time and who are apt to take advantage of you.

Like attracts like.

Wouldn't it be great to attract men who are not only successful and motivated, but who know how to enjoy life and look on the bright side? Being happy can help you find a guy who also has a positive outlook and who can continue to bring optimistic energy into your life. The happier you are, the more likely you are to end up meeting people with a similar mindset, rather than people who will drag you down.

Rejection won't set you back.

Happiness acts as a cushion between your feelings and life's little disruptions. Sure, you're disappointed that the guy from last weekend didn't call back, but happy people tend not to dwell on the past. Not every guy is "the guy" -- that's why we call him "the one" -- so why lose sleep over the duds? Being happy helps you sidestep the small annoyances and focus on the big picture, improving your life and ensuring you end up with someone who loves you for you.