CLASSIC FM'S LEAKED SMS'S

Next time you send a text to an FM Station
know that they log your number and
conversation. Be warned. Do you know the
numbers below?

 
Topic today was partying without
panties.
Why do ladies go nuts whenever they see
celebs?

254737933906
Classic fm. Maina its not our fault u guys drive us
craizie na if u mix wid manyege wat cant we do?
Luv u guys
254721969828
Fally Ipupa ni msupuu. I didn't remove my pant
but had an orgasm by imagining him in me.............
I didn't misbehave that much.
254721861010
Mornng maina & mwalimu, i was @ mike murimi
mugithi wth bibi wa bro wangu. nilimwona akijitia
kidole halafu akalamba na akaonyesha murimi! All
the ladies were doing it. Karibu nikufe na heart
atak.
254723055493
Maina! Wanawake wana wazimu, mwingine
alirushia husband yangu panti yake kwa uso
tukiwa lunch wimpy! Na huzzo akaiweka kwa
mfuko. Nilifeel mbaya.
254722777034
Maina, I hiked a lady neighbor-senior admin UNEP.
Frm the blues she told me "am in red thongs",
unziped n asked me if i could run my fingers
A few from the archives......
254720428104
Hi maina.i couldnt contribute on y'days topic coz i
was wth my hubby who soils & urinates on hmself
mpaka ndani ya viatu akilewa.pls ask such men wat
goes on in thea minds b4 & afta such deeds.wats
thea xcuse?do they gve a damn abt th family
feelings?pls i need 2kno.Dont call me now.he is
asleep. Ameingia kwa keja 5am. LENA
254714924039
maina, mine is terrible-he has nothin, haja soma-
yani my peroz and family dont penda him-I wish I
"road tested" him first coz after kumuoa, I found
out ako na kitu kama ya mtoi. am sexually starved-
pals tell me to get shag buddy, dildo, av thought of
goin gay yani the options are still comin-i am
absolutely single and willing to mingle though
married-love you guys
254722170198
Hi, maina cal me if u find time. I walked into my
house only to find my husband having sex with his
younger sister. Akaniuliza 'havent you heard of
privacey'. I'm confused. Gday
254725616895
Maina,my boyfrnd who is maried wants 2 funguwa
my boot na hajawahi funguwa ya bibi yake.pls help
mi cz istl lov him.mary 4rm kisii.
254726656190
Mina its just naturall a woman can make love with
more than 3 men in one day so long as u know
how to take a shower well no man will ever know.
Me I must get it from our tea boy at work juu ni
msupuu, a mechanic who operates in the plot next
to jobo and a neighbors son when he's on
holiday. Na bado mzee wangu kant notice.
254725555409
Hi maina, am screwed daily b4 i get home, i get 2
the house take a bath and if my man wants i'll give
it 2 him ave aborted 2wice nd he's nvr known.
From Milli
254718782326
Classic H! MaUna n mwalim am munaa frm mbs n
am in luv with my father in law n am 26 yrs his
57yrs n i luv him more than my hasband. We've
been sleeping with him tangu my first yr in
marriage. Ako na kitu kubwa!
254712405656
Classic 105, Hi maina, mine was worse coz my
mum's boyfriend alifanya juu chini tulale pamoja,
and he succeeded kumbe he turned out to be HIV
positive. Nimeregret sana.
254720474236
050003E70301Hi Maina,i was married, I cookd
4him variety of food,respectd him,na palepale,i
was da driver.He askd m 4 a3rd party,n brought
her as he wishes.He statd beating m up,akaninyima
my right place of sex coz he wntd ma Ass !Men cnt
b satisfied wit 1woman
254726837722
0500034A0201Ma husband's libido is veri
low.Marrd 3yrs now and have neva seen his goods
only by accdent. Now its 3mnths snc we had sex.
We have bcam a Bro an a sis. Am suffering sexualy
wat do i do.But am hapi in al other areas
254733251855
Maina todays discussion has to be longer,we are
miserable women..we end up having affairs with
relatives...help us. Like now am sleeping with my
first cousin...wambui
254729787848
Hi Maina. Been in a rut too .Married 4 the last 24
yrs to this ng'ombe. Love was alive for only the first
year then we became hse mates. It's too bad
mpaka he can't rise to the occasion for me. And
he's also tiny. So imagine a small thing that can't
wake up. Pathetic!
254722786970
0500032B0202 this lady has being using my
husbands 4ne when they r 2gether in bed telng mi
2listen hw sweet my husband is en then she
screams. God wht im i sapposed 2do.
254721691952
Nothing wrong with a woman who can control her
drinking like me. My hubby is a drunk who cant
control his drinking. Alikuja sato morning high
akakojoa ndani ya wardrobe badala ya choo yet he
keeps saying am the drunk! Karo
254716671031
Dnt be stupid Maina...I have a woman who drinks
n she is generally n extremely dirty, first her
genitals! Beer aint good 4 women... am tired of
being woken up at 3am four times a week
kumfungulia. Last week I refused to open and
found her in the watchman's kibanda in the
morning on my way to work. I've kept wondering if
she gave him.
254722609997
Maina morning am a drinker n trust me i hv never
ceased to be a gud mother to my 3 kids n wife to
ma hubbi. The fact that naweza maliza 2 bottles of
viceroy in one night doesn't make me a bad
mother! Jana nilikunywa 3 quarters juu kulikuwa
Sunday.
254722483913
So maina what if she drinks and doesnt come
home and doesnt want to be asked where she is?
Mine went out on Friday jioni and akarudi jana
morning. Nikamuuliza ikakuwa vita. We have 3 yr
old twins. Naogopa ukali wake.
254715786001
Hi Maina,salimia King'ang'i. Maina,wachana na hao
wanasema ati bibi asilewe. My wife drinks,I don't.
Na mimi humpeleka kwa bar namwacha huko
akitosheka ananipigia ama analetwa na rafikfi zake.
Only one day I was worried. Alinipigia akiwa florida
5am and her friends walikuwa wamemwacha.
Apart from that day, I see no issues with her enjoy
a drink.
254722162484
Hi Maina, am irene 24 yrs. I was involved with a
catholic priest . He took me from my rural home
and rented a hse 4 me . akaleta brother yake
akanilazimisha nilale nayeye. Sikujua alikuwa
anapenda porno pia. When I refused kuwatch
nayeye akanifukuza. Plz help me kol him juu
hachukui simu zangu. His fone no. 0721 895762 or
0735854143(Fr.Joseph
254725939592
Maina, his weight bothers me coz it affects
palepale imagine ana choka haraka sana and he
drips streams of sweat!na style zingine hawezi!
Every time we do it, am worried atakufa juu yangu
na vile ni mzito! mariam
254703974613
Av bn married 4one yr.Hez gaining weight n maina
u knw the kitambi bng a pivot on me that puts me
off! Namuona akiwa naked sometimes nakimbia
kwa choo nitapike! n the longest he cn go is
4mins!he rols over n snores.nkt! I normally just sit
and stare at his kathing vile kamekunjika naskia
huzuni.
254721230670
Yes! I hate my husband of 23 years he eats like a
big pig! Kitambi kama ya ngombe! Yeye huleta
food kutoka fridge ili akule kwa bedroom usiku. Na
bonoko ni kama yesu. Bado nangoja irudi.
254750383848
Morning Maina? Can you imagine comìng home
5pm and ur wife in nities with a stocking on, matiti
hunging kama socks, the hse is dirty and the bed
is not even made. Why not stay away get drunk
and come at 3am and find this monster asleep.
Ubaya nakuja nimelewa and see her thing juu
amelala fuaa and she doesn't shave. She makes me
sick!
254721331466
Hey Maina and Kingangi,i use to treat my huby like
a king,gave him all the fredom and happiness in
the world but u know how he repayed,he left me
and now he's living with an old woman whom you
Maina know.He left me with a kid of 11/2yrs.
254727113432
Maina, my man is always at home early. What is the
formula for sending him away? Every time I pass
him, he wants sex. It's too much! Take him with
you to your bar. I'll even pay you.
And on today's topic on doing it with in-laws, here
are some texts....
254716191962
Me i do it every 9te 4 de last 3month wid my bro-
in-law iam 18 i dont like it coz ihv ma boyfriend in
coast n ihv never sexed wid him I dont know wat
2do ATÂ
\
254722489878
Maina my real mother has been molesting me.
Niliamka nikamukuta akininyonya. Who can I report
to? Steve
254724370542
MAINA NOT OUR DAD ALOME. AV BIN HAVING
AFFAIR WITH MA ELDER BRO NA TUMEZAA A BABY
BOY. TOO MUCH ATTACHED N NONE OF US IS
MARIED.HE REALY SATIFIES ME SEXUALLY
254723147780
Hey Maina pliz help me cos i found out that am
datng my half bro. na ninaexpect! help. Brenda
And a karandom one...
254733573281 My wife is so dull, every time I try
some positions all I get is "Baba nani, usiniharibu
huko nyuma!" na dada yake ananicheki.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NAIROBI

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NAIROBI

Married or older women are the most controversial kind of people there is. But the ones from Kenya's capital are even more intriguing. This in an in depth analysis of these kinds of women from Nairobi.

MAMA PIMA MBOGA

This woman is a real hustle.Her hubby is some dead beat guy who is either too lazy to work or is lost his job because of his excessive drinking. She probably has a horde of kids and miraculously sends them all to school. She has borrowed from every shop within her reach. She owns that small kiosk that sells greens or has a small hotel that she cooks for construction workers. Her hubby is always goes missing in action on Friday evening and is found in a nearby ditch totally drunk and messed on himself.

MAMA CHAMA.

This is the woman everybody in the estate fears. She is the head of the local women's chama and her hubby is probably some rich bloke who funds her reign of terror. Her friends are just a bunch of parrots who agree on everything she says and are too scared to question her. She is the kind to mistreat her house help and can be easily mistaken for a Nigerian woman. She cares more about social status than anything else. She is very vain and will most probably make her husband bankrupt

MAMA PLOT

She is the extremely nosy woman living in your plot. She knows everything about you and your husbands marital problems and usually send her son to spy on you. Her windows are always open so that she can listen in on peoples conversations. She lives right nest to the main gate so that she can see all the people who are entering and leaving her house. She is so preoccupied with other peoples lives that she fails to notice that her husband is already shacking up with the help

MAMA BOI

This is the woman who cannot live without a maid. she is rarely seen at home and her kids are usually raised by the maid. Since the maid has more interest in chatting up the watchman, the kids are usually left unattended to and are seen wandering everywhere in the estate. She is probably a young woman moving up the career ladder or just too young to know better. She is the woman who you saw on KTN whose kid was stolen by the house help.

SUGAR MAMA

This is the rich old lady whose hubby just died. She drives a sauced up beamer. She has expensive tastes and loves the company of young men. She is the official cougar in the hood. Young women are scared of her because they know how easily she can get their boyfriends. She has no morals and the only force that drives her is not grief, but her ever growing libido

BABY MAMA

She is the woman who thought it was a good idea to trap a guy into marriage by having his baby. She is either married. Or happily scaring off any woman who shows interest in her baby's dad. Should you marry this woman's hubby, yours will be a life filled with so much drama only found on crappy soap operas.

MAMA PIMA
She is the lady who owns an illegal liquor breweries in her house. She makes illegal liquor at the back yard of her house. Every changaa ridden man in the area swears by her and claim that she makes the best changaa in the area. She has been operating this business for decades now and has surprisingly never been arrested. Maybe the fact that some officers are her customers and get free drinks is a plus. she is responsible for growing number of people loosing their sight. good thing she has a blind persons discount.

MADAM
She is the weird looking woman who runs a brothel in her house. She takes young innocent girls from the upcountry and lures them into the trade.A former call girl herself, she is unmarried and mostly spend her days drinking and smoking. Her compound is filled with scantly clad young girls. Big cars roll in and out of her compound. Her clients include very rich men. You are relieved to hear that she has been arrested for soliciting prostitution. Then you find out your hubby was on her regular clientele list.

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOP-A-HOLIC

If there is one think i can spend my whole salary on is clothes. I love shopping. But i am a conscious buyer. I always shop for bargains and sales and discounts. So, if u wanna shop on a budget, i am gonna list you down the best places u can get your money's worth and what to buy, when to buy it.

MR.PRICE....WHERE THE PRICE IS NOT RIGHT

i don't like the store. Never have, never will. They charge crazy prices for the most stupid things. Take for example a woolen Marvin. That thing  costs 1,100. U can buy the same thing brand new downtown for 200. Granted, its a Kenyan uniform and most probably 50percent of the Kenyan population has it. Am not a fan of having the same outfit as a scholar. So if Ur more into the whole unique look, u can head down to muthurwa and get that Marvin second hand and for as low as 100shs. They always have these Price to go sales every now and then. But thing is, those clothes are either too hideous, too worn out or just not worth being used as rags. Why should i buy a top for as mush as 2200 when i can get a prettier one of much better quality at 300bob?


WHERE TO BUY...THE ACCESSORIES
OK. i get the whole proud of your heritage crap but that doesn't mean u walk around looking like Ur wearing dried beans in your ears. The whole African accessories look is SO last season. Don't get stuck in a trend. And in any case, walking around looking like i have on plastic jewellery never jazzed me. So, looking for some really classy accessories? Check out moi avenue. There is this stall right next to Union towers past The beauty cosmetics shop. These guys are know their stuff. Their pieces are sooo original and long lasting. Granted, they are a bit more expensive than the regular stuff. But its nothing that will make you miss paying your rent


GARRISA LODGE.....WHAT U DIDN'T KNOW

Most people shop at garrissa lodge. But what most people don't know is how and where to shop at Garrissa. Most clothing stores and exhibitions in town buy their stock from wholesale shops at garrissa. There are two types of cloth vendors at garrissa. Whole sellers who only sell in bulk and retailers who sell singular clothes. I my dear friend only buy from the wholesale shops. Nope, i don't buy clothes in bulk. I just go to the whole sellers and strike up a deal. I see a dress i like and try to get the guy to sell it to me. Most of them refuse to sell. But you will always get one guy who wont pass up an offer to make a buck. OK. so here are some items which you should not buy more than the price i have listed
jeans-750
girl tops-500
poncho-1200
small shirts-450
dresses-900
trench coats-1500
if u buy those cheap shoes outside the stalls that cost around 300, you are in for a real shocker. They are of such poor quality that they will snap with two wears. buy your shoes in  those corner shops that exclusively deal with shoes. U will get gladiator heels for about 1600 and stilettos for 1800
handbags in garrissa are just too damn expensive. but they are cute and of good quality. 
so, if u haven't been to garrissa, just board a number 17 bus and head on there. Mark u, make sure u have Ur money safely tucked away and u dress down. That route is crazy. So, go to garissa and support our ever growing population of illegal aliens who don't pay taxes.


TOWN NIGHT MARKET

It is illegal to hawk in town. But that has never stopped our very aggressive Kikuyu brothers and sister from stalking the streets at night. These hawkers will show up at around 9 and usually keep the police force fit from all the running around with chasing them. This game of cops and robbers is usually noted when you see an old woman running around in town with a huge gunia on her back. I love town hawkers. Every good shoe i have i bought from them. Plus the belts. Let me not even get started. You will get a really strong beautiful leather belt for as low as 100bob. Plus they also sell really cool novels ranging from romance to motivational to magazines. The hawkers in uptown are really expensive. Mostly situated outside Betty's club, Maggie's or behind the Norwich towers. They sell their shoes fro 1000- 1500 bob. Too high a price for something you bought on the sidewalk. I know there are also hawkers around Odeon but that place is too dark for me to go alone. We went with a pal of mine there, and we were just too scared to go down there.


EXHIBITIONS.

I have nothing good to say about buying stuff at exhibitions in town. Only stupid people do that. Why buy something so mediocre like a shirt for as much as 1200 when you can get the exact same thing from garrissa at 400? why?  The only thing you should buy in town is fast food and those pirated movies for 50bob. Example, if you go shop at the exhibitions around the bazaar, you will be stunned. Kwanza they are owned by these silly Indians who wont talk to black people. F you! this country is ours. Keep away from this old Indian woman with brown specs. She is very rude and doesn't like it when you touch stuff. I highly suspect the Bras and the panties they sell there are second hand and probably formerly owned by that old hag. Coz they they are so hideous that she is the only one who can possibly have worn them. Plus they smell like her. I can recognise that cheap perfume a mile away. 4 real. This topic is not even worth me arguing about. I rest my case.


MAASAI MARKET

a way for Kenyans to get back the money stolen from them during the colonial days from the whites. Am telling you, these guys are ripped off like no ones business. If you just hear the prices these white people buy for stuff u will be wondering if they will be getting a title deed with it. But seriously. This place knows how to make the African style look cool. Buy some bracelets and and bangles to complete your look. Plus their safari themes shirts are really trendy. If you don't have a Kenyan flag shirt then shame on you. These really come in handy during rugby season. Who dares go to the Black rock or Safari sevens without a Kenyan flag shirt? U will look like a Gor fan lost central province. Yap. that awkward.


THE GREAT RIFT VALLEY VIEW POINT

If Ur heading to nakuru or anywhere those sides, make sure to stop by this place and buy something. You will find some really friendly Maasai selling stuff from animal skin hats to beaded accessories. Make a point of buying the animal skin hats. Granted, you cannot wear them anywhere. But just think how cool Ur profile pic will look if u take a pic in it. Make sure to leave your initials in the wooden fences around there. Its kind of a tradition. Will be heading there next week and will get to see if the initials i left 5 years ago are still there.


So, people. Get your shopping caps on. And remember....money cant buy you love, but it sure can buy you a nice pair of shoes.

TYPES OF KENYAN MEN

Kenyan men are probably the most versatile breed of people to come into existance. They come in all shapes and sizes and have can tend to hide their true nature. When it comes to dating, this poses a hard task for women in identifying the men they are with. Here is my take on what how to spot what breed of kenyan ur with

SUPER SENSITIVE STEVE

This is the guy you dumped because he was too nice. He would carry your handbag for you, called you 5 times a day and cried when you broke up him.He probably is always talking about marriage and has already picked out baby names.  He always wants to talk about feelings and stuff. Most probably working at some boring nine to five job. U met him at some singles semminar where he was the only guy. if ur dating this guy, run! There is only room for one chic in the relationship
Plus? well, he loves cuddling
Bummer? He always uses your shampoo


BUFF BRIAN

This guy is on every imaginable steroid in the market. He is probably a gym instructor or you always find him in the gym. He wears tight fitting clothes that make him look like a ball of muscle. This guy is either a male gigolo or is always flirting with the ladies. He is the guy that ever chic has his number as the rebound guy or the booty call. Most probably unemployed and has some rich sugar mummy financing him
Plus side? he doesn't talk so much
Bummer? u always have Ur gynaecologist number on speed dial


THE IGWES

U met him at some club in westie on Friday. Probably Galileo's. He was sitting alone having a drink and checking you out. He winks at you and you wink back. The rest as they say, is history. Then begins a whirling romance with him. But wait. suddenly, you cant wear short skirt or tight clothes. U cant go out with your friends. He expects you to be home before him and have a big dinner waiting for him. He is slowly pushing for you to leave your job and to be 100percent reliant on him. This guy is still stuck in the dark ages where women were just for reproduction. This guy will insist on a traditional wedding and may even take a second wife. He expects you to get pregnant the same week you got married.
plus side? paid a nice dowry
bummer? bye bye skinny jeans




GEORGY POGGY

This guy will probably grow up to be the uncle who cannot be left home with the kids. The well know child molester. Currently, he is the class pervert who is always taking pictures of chicks asses or the guy from work who always has his hands in his pants. He is a regular at nearly all brothels. He loves hooking up with random chicks.You probably met him online. His phone is filled with naked pics and lets not even get started with his porn collection at home. He probably got fired from his last job for sexual molestation. Works in the IT profession as most perverts are IT guys.  He will bang anything in a skirt
Plus side? he can forget Ur his girlfriend and leave you a tip in the morning
Bummer? he prefers the back door

BROKE-ASS BENJI

He always forgets his wallet at home all the time the two of you go out. He borrows money from you and has not paid back even a dime. He has baby mommas front, right and center. All his money goes to the court filled child support he is paying to his baby mommas. He is a lousy dad and even lousier boyfriend. girl! Just pick up TLC hit record No Scrubs and listen to it. i swear you will have an epiphany. I am all for dating all kind of people.but seriously? He cant pay for his dinner? See ya!
plus side? he has cute babies
bummer? baby momma drama

SAMMY THE SINGLE DAD

U met him at the park with his kids. Apparently, his baby momma left him for some other guy or wasn't ready to settle down. Dating this guy is like walking on a thin rope. He is always cancelling dates. Either his sons dog died or has the flu or maybe the baby sitter cancelled. You feel like you are always competing for his attention. There is nothing much i can say about this group because our country needs great dads like him. But that doesn't mean that you are of any less importance. Evaluate yourself and analyse how much baggage you can handle.
Plus side? he ain't afraid of commitment
Bummer? his daughter hates you


THE WOMEN BASHERS
These men hate women. They see nothing good in them. They probably had a bad experience with their previous girlfriend or had mothers who abandoned them when they were little. Most of these guys are players and don't have any remorse about playing a woman. They are the kind of guys who like talking about the stuff they did with their girlfriend and refer to the women in their lives as whore or gold diggers.
Plus side? you definitely know all he is not the one
Bummer? all his pals know about secret fetish


MANNY THE MOMMA'S BOY

This guy has never had to do any work thanks to his possessive mother. He probably works at his dads company as some irrelevant position they made just for him. He goes to work once a month. To pick up his paycheck. Dating him is like raising a toddler. He leaves his clothes everywhere and wont clean up after himself. He is always having his friends over at your place. To make matters worse, his mom always checks up on him to see if he has had a regular bowel movement ever 2hours.
Plus side?you get to have your own baby. minus the stretch marks and dirty diapers
Bummer? his mom doesn't think Ur good enough for him


PAUL THE POLITICIAN

This guy knows everything about anything that is going on around the word. He thinks you are arrogant for not following up with current affairs and stuff like that. He is always talking politics and about controversial issues. He always has an opinion on everything and is the guy who always starts arguments in bars. He is either an unemployed lawyer or a former politician. He makes you miss your favourite soap opera to watch some stupid documentary about obama. This guy also tends to be quite snoopy and will put some tracking software in your phone.
Plus side? he is like a walking encyclopedia
Bummer? he is unbearable during election season


CHARLES THE CHUBBY CHASER

These are men who have a strange fetish for fat women. They will only date women past the 100kg mark. Dont laugh. These kind of men are increasing and usually try to fatten up their girlfriends. He always says stuff like, i like women with meat on their bones. I really dont get this whole weirdness.
Plus side? wont bug you about ur love handles
Bummer? he really needs therapy

MAINA KAGENI FANS

This is the lot of guys who i am really sceptical about the most. cmon! A guy who is always on the radio in the morning listening to kenyan women talking about their non-performing husbands? This is the same lot who always listens to kiss fm's rush hour dramma and are a fan of easy fms ciku's busted. They even like phoning in to give their two cents of advice. I cannot trust a man who seeks advice about women from a gay guy.
Plus side? he loves yor favourite soaps
Bummer? he is a closet gay