Never say this to your guy

5 Phrases He Doesn't Want To Hear

• Posted on Jun 02, 2011 8:00 AM by njixx
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You should never censor yourself in front of a man, but sometimes it's better to let some things go unsaid. Here are five things you should avoid saying to your guy — either to avoid a fight, preserve his ego, or save your own sanity.

Top 5 phrases that send him to man cave mentality

 

"I don't care — let's do whatever you want to do."

One thing guys wish that women would do on date night is Just. Freaking. Pick. Something. Don't worry about whether he'll balk when you suggest a new foreign flick or roll his eyes if you say you want Japanese food. You're as much a part of this relationship as he is, and trust us, he'll love that you took the initiative to suggest something fun.

"Bradley Cooper/Jon Hamm/Justin Timberlake is soooooooo hot!"

No one loves man candy like we do, but if you go on and on about what a stud biko adema is, it'll make your guy retreat into his man cocoon. No one — male or female — can compete with an airbrushed, professionally-gym-trained, designer-clad superstar. Admire your favorite actor's man parts in private — and save the verbal praise for your guy when he cleans up nice for dinner.

"Does this make me look fat?"

We all know that no one wins if you ask him this.

"Do you think she's cute?"

Unless he's always able to contort his face into a believable state of revulsion before you get the "t" out in "cute," he won't be able to give you an answer that won't send you into a rage. Listen, there are other hot women in the universe; you can't really expect him to say that Angelina Jolie "isn't his type." Don't force the issue unless he's openly gawking at anything female or flirting with the waitress right in front of you. Then it might be time to reassess why you're in the relationship, not whether you measure up.

"What are you thinking?"

One of our guy friends summed his thoughts on this question nicely: "Trust us: You don't want to know." It's nice to retain some of your relationship's mystery, right? Also: Sometimes a blank stare is just a blank stare. Fill up your own mental canvas with something scintillating — like Patrick Dempsey wearing nothing but a stethoscope and a smile.

The ultimate guide to dating

Dating 101

• Posted on Apr 27, 2011 1:53 PM by koshi
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listen more, talk less.

i highly advise against spending too much time talking about yourself, which can actually put a damper on any connection the two of you might have. Taming your urge to talk is tough, especially when you're nervous, but  thinking of the date as a job interview with drinks.. "If you know you want the job, you'd better learn a lot about the company," she says. "You can't do that if all you are doing is talking about yourself." kwanza this applies to madame wengi sana....under 25s

Ask the right questions.

Focus on questions about personal, overarching topics rather than work, when men hear the question, "What do you do for work?" what they actually hear is, "How much do you make?" Because you don’t want to come off as a gold digger ama u have a par time job hapa kstreet. asking questions such as "What was your best meal ever?" and "What did you do for your 21st birthday?" -- things that will truly help you get to know him as a person, not a bank account.

dress appropriately.

Showing too much skin on your first (or even second) date is never a good idea.  being selective in your approach. Pick one asset you love about your body and flaunt that (legs, breasts, shoulders, booty, etc), but choose only one, not three. If things go well, you will have other dates on which to reveal other assets. "If you can't think of what you like about your body and what to flaunt, then you shouldn't go on the date at all! Men love self-confidence. Flaunt that first."

be at your best.

Having one successful date is great, but there’s a lot of pressure where following up is concerned. treating the first 10 dates like they're all the very first. "What you wear, how you smell and what you look like matter to men. If they see you put your best foot forward for your first few dates and then peter out later, they think you don't care," she explains, adding that men always want to think you are trying for them. Doing little things that will make it look like you're still trying.  "Shave, shower, primp, pluck and preen. Always,"

Beware These Dating Red Flags

• Posted on May 04, 2011 7:00 AM by kenya

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There are some character flaws that you definitely know mean "stay away" -- if the guy has a substance abuse problem, for example, or if he's verbally abusive. But sometimes the signs of a bad dude can be a little more subtle. Here are a few things to watch out for:

 

1. he treats People in the service INdustry badly.

The quickest way to tell if a guy is a jerk is how he treats people who are paid to wait on you: a restaurant host or hostess, your waiter or waitress, — you get the idea. Dock him points if he does any of the following: blames or berates a waiter/waitress for something that isn't their fault, pulls a "unajua mimi ni nani?" power move, tips poorly on purpose ("That's coming out of his tip"), or displays general impatience, followed by taking it out on the staff. If you get genuinely bad service, there are gentlemanly ways to handle it: politely asking to speak to the manager, for example. But screaming at the wait staff is a sign that he'll treat you with equal disrespect if you disappoint him. This is kenya anywayz, and everybody is usually late

2. He always "forgets" to hit the ATM.

We are all for splitting bills or buying a round of ka-black ice if he shelled out for the msosi — this is 2011, after all. But if the guy you're seeing never offers to foot the bill (even on the first date), invites you to an fancy place you can't afford but then expects you to pay your way, or conveniently is in the bathroom or has forgotten his wallet when the check comes, it's highly possible that he's either a freeloader type or just plain inconsiderate. Inexpensive dates are awesome (hello, a walk in the park and ice cream afterward? yes please!), but making you go to the hilton when you're struggling financially yourself is just bad manners.

3. All he talks about are exes, exes, exes.

So, say not only does he talk about all the other women he's dated, which is incredibly tacky, but he describes most of them as "crazy." Run while you can, because chances are this guy feels he has no flaws (and therefore played no part in the demise of the relationship). If you do get involved, after the two of you have broken up (and you will break up) he'll tack you on to the end of that list as another "crazy" chick. Cue the Psycho music. Plus, with a laundry list of exes long enough to go on and on about in detail, chances are this guy is a playboy...or so emotionally stunted he needs to compensate for his insecurities with a constant stream of women. You don't need that in your life.

4. He Flirts with other women in front of you.

Every red-blooded straight man is going to find other women attractive, but openly gawking at another woman's derriere or engaging in witty, flirty banter with your waitress, or your best friend is unacceptable. hata kama ni msupuu aje! During a date, you should feel like the only woman in the room, and if he's scanning it for someone better, know that you can do better too.

5. he Booty-calls you instead of making plans.

Ahhh, the 10 p.m. (or 3 a.m.) text: "What are you up to?" or "Want to hang out?" or "R U out?" If you like the guy and get a text like this, your heart will flutter, and you might be tempted to accept, but don't. If a guy doesn't make a real date with you — or only wants to meet up when he's had a few beers with the guys (or another woman), boot him out of your life. You deserve plans made in advance, with you and only you.

Get Happy To Find Love

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Finding love can be a complicated affair. Sure, sometimes it sweeps you off your feet when you least expect it, but most of the time, we have to work for it. One of the best ways to attract love into your life is by feeling and projecting happiness. We’ve come up with some of the ways being happy can help you bust out of your dating rut and find lasting love.

Happiness breeds confidence.

When you're confident, you have an ease about you that attracts the right kind of people -- nice people who are more likely to treat you with the respect you deserve. When you lack confidence and feel unhappy, you're more vulnerable to guys who aren't worth your time and who are apt to take advantage of you.

Like attracts like.

Wouldn't it be great to attract men who are not only successful and motivated, but who know how to enjoy life and look on the bright side? Being happy can help you find a guy who also has a positive outlook and who can continue to bring optimistic energy into your life. The happier you are, the more likely you are to end up meeting people with a similar mindset, rather than people who will drag you down.

Rejection won't set you back.

Happiness acts as a cushion between your feelings and life's little disruptions. Sure, you're disappointed that the guy from last weekend didn't call back, but happy people tend not to dwell on the past. Not every guy is "the guy" -- that's why we call him "the one" -- so why lose sleep over the duds? Being happy helps you sidestep the small annoyances and focus on the big picture, improving your life and ensuring you end up with someone who loves you for you.

Unrealistic about love?

You may be frustrated with the latest crop of losers who have tried (and failed) to catch your eye, but that doesn’t mean finding a decent guy with relationship potential is impossible. Yes, you could be experiencing a dry spell where good men are concerned, but the problem could also lie in your attitude toward dating. Here are a few ways to tell if you’re being unrealistic about love.

  You're waiting for the fairy tale.
We know Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty ended up with Prince Charming, and Kate Middleton is on her way to becoming royalty, but not everyone can end up living the life of a princess. We're not saying you should settle for someone you don't love or who doesn't treat you well, but holding out for magical love that epitomizes a storybook happy ending might mean you're waiting a while. Refocus your attention on finding a cute guy who treats you well but who may not have a castle waiting for you.

You've put yourself on a pedestal.

You should respect yourself and not let anyone walk all over you. If you're waiting for the one guy who will spend every waking minute telling you how gorgeous you are and buying you expensive gifts, however, you have an unrealistic view of love. A relationship is give and take, not just take and take. Hop down from your pedestal if you want a shot at lasting love.Trust me, not everyone can be like manduli.

You think love is like the movies.

Love in the movies is epic, dramatic and fraught with frantic passion -- not usually the stuff of real life. So rather than wait for Brad Pitt or George Clooney to come calling, consider the reality: The love you find, while amazing, won't be the same kind of love you see on screen. Unless your new guy is a spy or on the run after robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, your life will be pretty normal. Don't wait for the nigerian version of love to present itself. You could miss out on something great in the meantime.

10 Signs he's cheating on you Is He A Cheater?

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Studies reveal that 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at one time or another during their marriage. Often the women in their lives have no clue what they did. You need to have some basic knowledge to protect yourself. So how does one spot a cheater? Here are 10 warning signs that your man may stray... or that he is already cheating on you.
 

He has cheated before

Undoubtedly, past cheating behavior is the most reliable predictor for future cheating behavior.

He is a narcissist

People with narcissistic personality traits feel that they're entitled to more things than other people. They're more likely to cheat because they feel they don't have to play by the rules.

He has no sense of guilt

Men who don't feel remorse or guilt when they do something wrong are prime candidates for cheating. They won't have those emotions holding them back.

 

He's an excellent liar

If he is good at lying about other things in his life, then he is likely good at lying to you about cheating.

He learned it at home

If one or both of his parents were routinely unfaithful, then he is more likely to be inclined to cheat.

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He recently lost his job

Unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel vulnerable, especially if the job was important to him and defined his identity. When a man doesn't feel so good about himself, he may boost his self-esteem through an affair.

He is spending less time with you

You're watching TV; he's on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late. You're in the same house but not really together. If a man is organizing his life to spend less time with you, it doesn't really matter whether he has met someone. Behavior like this signals a distance that becomes a breeding ground for infidelity.

He is being less affectionate

Perhaps he doesn't cuddle with you in bed anymore. Or he comes to bed fully dressed when he once slept nude. These are all ways of disconnecting and may indicate he is getting his intimacy somewhere else.

His computer habits have changed

Check his computer's browser history once in a while to see where he's been. A new and secretive email account would be a red flag. A new email account doesn't necessarily mean your significant other is having an affair; but it becomes more likely if he is not willing to share the content of the account with you.

His cell phone habits have changed

Lastly, beware of new cell phone habits. For example, he suddenly gets a new phone with a password lock. Or perhaps now he keeps his cell phone in his pocket when in the past he would leave it on the counter. Or maybe he used to make calls and send texts while you were around, but now excuses himself each time the phone rings.