WHEN TO LET HIM IN

This is one question that women constantly me: whether there’s a moment or period when you have some trust or guarantee that the man graced with the pleasure to explore your legs among other parts of your anatomy will still be interested after you have sex with him. The question "Will he still respect me after sex / in the morning?" is one I've heard time and time again.
Well ladies the truth of the matter is there is no amount of time that will give you 100% certainty that he will stick around to do more than just stick his willy up your p----! Plus the word ‘respect’ is not associated in anyway with the act of sex. Personally I have never heard a guy during sex and utter these words: “Baby, this position is so respectable ;do you see how much respect I have for you?". I mean the notion is just ridiculous. Let me give an example that may have befallen a few of you in this day and age.
Men are tactful creatures (not all but most) and can be very charming and sweet to gain what lies between those legs of yours. Oh yes, last but not at all least, men can be very very patient like a grizzly bear stalking trout in a fast moving river.
Here is a guy who goes out to a social place in the hope that he may meet some hot random girl (hot is relative). As he surveys the available delicacies that the environment has to offer he mingles with a few. And as is expected by men, he gets rejected by a few women until he finally finds his ultimate prey. He then strategizes, as they chat, on his next set of clever, charming, funny lines to tantalise her interest and maybe create some mystery about him. She falls for the bait, and in his mind he is sure something will come out of this time spent exhausting his brain cells and we all know he’s not thinking of a hot cooked meal! If anything is baking at his or her place it better be between her legs. I’m sure the men reading this concur.
What puzzles us me in regards to courtship especially in social places like clubs and bars, a man meets a woman and when the man hints that he has sexual intent the woman becomes defensive and judgemental towards the guy. Well, excuuuuse me ladies! Let me shed some light: you are a woman and you have been engaging in conversation with a guy you just met and have done so for probably a few hours during that night, teasing and flirting each other for all that time. So did you think the guy was a good Samaritan of chit chat or did you think he approached you to find out if you were a possible long term girlfriend or wife material (whatever that means), or that he has nothing better to do than spend a good part of the night talking to you because his lips needs exercising? Please! Give me a break!

Men are and always will be visual sexual beings, any other attributes a man may have will manifest much later if there is a continuation of your relationship whether in form of a fling, friends with benefits or call it what you may. But there are no definite positive outcomes in the world of boy-meets-girl. How you both play it out from the beginning will dictate how long you will be together. If one of you is playing a role to please the other  while the other has hidden agendas, then it is most likely your fate is sealed and one of you will get hurt eventually.
Ladies if you are out there in the social scene and you fancy a guy ,what you decide to do with him sexually is solely your personal journey to the unknown hence why they call it adventure. If you sleep with a guy regardless of what he may have said, done, promised, professed, bought, overwhelmingly impressed you with, you must know that none of the above should determine whether you spread your legs or not it should be a decision without any expectations what so ever. Hopefully you are just horny and you want to get laid.

When you walk into a cookie shop and bite into a new flavoured cookie expecting a mouth watering experience well picture that as the new guy between your legs, something tells me that if he doesn’t rock your world, depending on your bedroom appetite, you will most likely not see him again.

And for those of you who were pampered with the high life then dumped well regardless of how much money was thrown your way ‘it was just a means to an end’. Some men have deep pockets and cash like multiple tequila shots is a very effective panty remover and I’m sure both genders can attest to that fact.
So as you enjoy yourselves I’m sure there are many social events, out of town ventures, house parties some kinkier than others, my word of advise is have fun and be safe doing it. If you happen to spread your legs which I’m sure many of you will, hopefully you receive some satisfaction out of it, but let it not be out of some smooth lines or material incentives.
In regards to men, if you take anything from this article, remember that upfront men are far more a better than those who play the ‘Mr Nice Guy’. Yes, 'Mr Upfront’ may tell you on the same day that he wants to bed you and that may not appeal but the fundamental thing is that he has the balls to just lay the cards on the table and a reasonable upfront guy will know when to quit if you don’t fancy him at all. Now I know for many women ‘Mr Nice Guy’ is sweet and at times romantic but trust me the sweet many a times turns sour over a period of time when his true colours are slowly unveiled.
Ladies I bid you all the best in your encounters with men but do read this article over and over and apply it to situations that may have occurred in your life, does it make sense, does it ring bells relating to your past predicaments, Only you can answer that.
Be safe all times and have a great time wherever you will be.

HE'S A STUD SHE' A SLUT

Those who can tell the truth are very sure of themselves and don't let society dictate how they live their lives. The question of morality may arise, but let's face it: how many of us both male and female are morally correct or act in the best conduct ALL THE TIME?

Women: you want men to stay faithful and yet you constantly nag, bitch and over centuries you have perfected name calling at the top of your voice...not an attractive trait and especially not doing much for any man’s libido. And you wonder why men choose to cheat, to sample green pastures? Yes those pastures are not always greener. However that’s irrelevant as long as I got some!

Here’s the other side of the coin.


Men: many of you expect your girlfriend / wife to dress conservative and yet you leave her at home and go looking for the woman who reminds you of how your woman used to dress (it would be wise to remember that it was you who changed her). It takes time but women do eventually cheat and guess what they are 1,000 times if not more better players than men. Face it guys we need a bitch in 'between the sheets' but when you change your woman and forget to compliment her like you used to then you can only blame yourself if one day you find her in the arms of another man looking hotter than the mistress in your arms. You get me? One man's 'alleged' used goods is another man's gold. Like it’s said, don't hate the player; hate the game that you started in the first place.

Where does morality derive from?



Our society expects us to act in a certain manner and that translates to people lying more often than not. As a therapist I hate to admit it but stereotyping in Kenya is the order of the day.


For example those men who say women who have been around the might as well be commercial women. Well, funny if those same women offered themselves to the same men for some between the sheets action, the men would most likely not decline. Double standards don't you think?

If you're a real man you should not worry about how many men a woman has encountered in her life. What should be your primary goal is how you can make her forget those men and you set your own bench mark. I am not pro or anti any gender but sometimes men just have no logic to their verbal contribution (insults) regarding women and many are just cowards hence the ‘motor mouth’ attitude to stay relevant in social circles or in society in general.

In closing, I would suggest that in life don’t partake in scenarios that you can not handle and don’t judge others before looking into the mirror and assessing yourself first. If your existence is perfect in every aspect then only then can you judge or criticize other peoples’ lifestyles.

KENYAN MEN FOR DUMMIES

Let me introduce you to the kenyan man. He is witty, charming and very confident, he has a sense of arrogance that women like, and he has the mentality of “I have nothing to lose and everything to gain”. He is the guy in any social arena that can either be very visible or he blends in but in a very calculative way. He takes no chances when he interacts with women; he has learnt how to read a woman’s body language. He will meet a woman and start to chat her up as he assess her interests by observing her face; yes he can tell within minutes if a woman is interested in him, it’s all in the eye contact and positive facial expression. Once he is certain that there’s a seed of interest depending on his agenda, for the night, he will determine through their conversation whether the woman is looking for ‘a good time’ or she just finds him ‘manly’ and more interesting in comparison with the other men at that particular venue. If she is worth his time, he will stick around and charm her some more, lay a foundation he can build on.
What I’m saying is, if she is worth the ‘marinating period’ (when a man doesn’t rush a woman into having a one night stand, he exchanges numbers with her to enjoy the spoils at a later date). Many kenyan men use this strategy, it’s like hunting plenty of stock for the winter or dry spells. This is how it works ‘talk to plenty of women you desire’ exchange numbers, keep flirting for a period of time (weeks, months) and the more women you connect with the better the odds of getting laid over the months to come, they are simply marinating like meat to be cooked later. Hence why some men ask their male friends “how do you keep getting laid so often”, well that’s how. Talking of friends, in almost every click of ‘boys’ there’s undoubtedly a guy who alwaays gets praise from his buddies, he scores highly with the ladies. Now you know how.
I have mentioned ‘eye contact’ has one of the key indicators for an Alpha male. A good example would be the reason why when you want to evaluate ‘the truth’ you will most of the time ask the person to ‘look you in the eyes’. The kenyan man uses that technique to filter potential attraction. When he goes to a club he will not sit anywhere, if you observe closely over a period of club nights you will notice that within a click of friends the he will always want to be in-front of the pack so that he can select a suitable position to achieve the best visual of all the women at the venue. Sometimes he is known to sit facing the ‘ladies room’ to visually screen them as they pass by. He is a true predator.

He will sit at his most suitable place and attempt ‘eye contact’ with several women of his taste. When a woman makes eye contact with him, and then she looks away more than two or three times, that to an him is a sign to engage. When he approaches her to spark dialogue if the woman maintains eye contact, she is definitely interested, he will know this better than most men. If she happens to break eye contact, that may signal that she may have just been admiring and nothing more but he will still reach her side and give her his business card after a brief chat, he will make sure that he makes it clear that he wants her. With the card in her hand she is now either going to dispose of it or keep it. Most of the time women will keep the card out of curiosity. And you know curiosity eventually kills the cat, if you get my drift! That’s the perfect marinating strategy.


The kenyan man also has other signals that he looks out for, such as a woman playing with her hair or playing with her neck in an almost ‘sexy motion’, this is to draw his attention.  It’s an unconscious action that women perform when they see or feel something that provokes a moment of thrill, excitement or desire. Another massive give away is in the movement of a woman’s arms or hands, he will keenly observe her motions and decide when to strike. he understands nonverbal signals and translates them with a very high success rate. While engaging in conversation an he will quickly asks questions ‘about her, her interests’ that will give him an edge over other males, he will want to take charge at the same time be very attentive watching her every move and listening to her every word. He knows how to compliment her without sounding ‘fake’. Over time he will have mastered to notice newly done hair, nails, and a unique item on her body like a dress, bracelet, chain, and tattoo. All these things he looks for make it easier to talk about things that relate to her, hence why many men fail in the initial engagement level. The woman notices that the man is trying to break the ice repeatedly as he seeks to find common ground, trying too hard to impress, when topics of discussion are staring at him right in the face. other men take a while to notice and to finally get a woman’s interest.

In a nutshell, why do we like kenyan men? Well he is confident, has a very manly assertive nature and he knows how to judge the degree of assertiveness depending on the woman; he easily adapts to any woman’s interest. I’m sure women are asking if an kenyan men can be a suitable ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’. The answer is yes the kenyan can be the most loyal dedicated man. If he decides to give; he gives his all, the only downside to a kenyan man, if I can call it that', is that he wants the same affection accorded to him. A woman who gives less will soon find herself confronted with his disappointments. The kenyan mane will always voice his concerns; he likes to maintain a good thing so he will fight for it till he can do no more. And yes indeed he can be the player of players but when he meets the one woman who keeps him motivated and feeds his world with positive energy, constantly soothing his ego, he will stay loyal giving the woman overwhelming attention.

THE UNROMANTIC KENYAN MEN

Well let me introduce you to true 'romance'. There's a reason why people say "it's the small things that matter" or "it's the thought that counts". Before we test the kenyan men of today what do the men of other countries do that qualifies as romantic compared to today?

Let's list some actions that were perceived as romantic; they surprised their women with candle-lit dinners, they bought flowers, they took walks to the beach (assuming you were near one), they held hands and told fairy-tale stories as they took an evening walk, they to ice cream parlours and fed each other ice cream (well some did), they went to drive-in cinemas and ate salt-less stale popcorn (some of you are wondering what are those, that means you were probably suckling at that time), they would walk the woman to her father's gate or door and last but not least they wrote 7 to 10 page letter by hand to express their affections. Some of you copied lyrics from several artists and merged the words hoping the she wouldn't recognise the lyrics.
Now after evaluating that list you would probably say that men back in the day were genuinely romantic; they had game as some would put it. Well to some extent that may be the case. However the fundamental factor was that whether it was out of love or not, the women of yesterday actually appreciated those gestures. You could see it in her eyes and if you were lucky you might get a peck on the cheek or to top it all off you would be the talk of your hood because you received a kiss. They would even define the kiss by how long it lasted (trust me it was a big deal back then). Personally I would like to say I'm somewhat a romantic at heart but the harsh unpredictable social environment has a lot going against men.

Women will complain that men are un-romantic and yet very few of you actual know what romance is. Some women think that an overly romantic guy is one who adapts some feminine traits, you know what I mean? Let's say a guy could only afford to cook you spinach and ugali for your romantic dinner, isn't it the thought that counts? Then again if you feel men are NOT that, why not cook yourself a prawn or lobster dish with sensual aroma and call it a candle lit dinner for ONE and let's see how orgasmic that night goes! It's not an excuse but times are hard, some of the luxuries that were affordable back then are not easily sustainable today. Hence why I always say don't introduce to each other life styles that you just can't keep up with.
Oh and that other thing, 'flowers'. Do women know that for most men flowers have little or no sentimental value at all? Over years of offering flowers we have cheated ourselves that we understand and cherish each petal. Some men may beg to differ but that's because you have brain washed yourself over many years or society dictates that only loving men offer flowers as a sign of love. Personally I think flowers are not the best symbol for love: for one they tend to die in a few days whether in water or not. What does that say about the relationship eventuality!!!! I'm just saying! Yes there's no science that links dead flowers with relationship outcomes but for me there's a link. I prefer to offer a cactus, it doesn't need to be watered frequently plus its erect posture depicts … if you get my drift... Every time I'm away from her she only needs to look at the cactus to positively remember me!
Then there's the 'taking a romantic walk'. Now in this day and age this romantic gesture may get you mugged or kidnapped, may be even killed depending on where you live. I would hate to be mid my ultimate lyrics then I feel a gun in my face, not a very romantic ending. I must admit though that men no longer hand write letters I guess technology has slowly phased that sentimental gesture. Now we have text messaging which is not romantic just straight to the point. Back then it was allowed to beat around the bush while courting with romantic words and actions, but today’s women themselves will tell a dude "get with the program tell me what you want so I can decide whether I want the same or not"
Is romance dying? We can debate that for years but it's not looking too good from where I stand. Do couples have meaningful pillow talk nowadays; do you? When was the last time you did something romantic or experienced a bit of romance? I am eager to hear your views because what may be perceived as romantic today may be tying a bow around a bottle of black ice, who knows?
In my opinion true romance can only be experienced over a period where a couple in love know each other inside out, remembering and cherishing moments or occasions shared together and over the years reliving those moments. Your first intimate kiss that made you say yes he or she is the one for me, your most memorable night out it could be a simple dinner or a night out clubbing and you both danced the night away. The moments and memories can be of anything, but it’s their significance that makes all the difference hence why you revisit them over and over in form of anniversaries. A time for you to share in love and spend quality time. The romantic dinner setting is great but if it is only occurring as a means to an end then it doesn't qualify to be in the 'hall of romance'. I wish that everyone reading this article can have those moments of pure happiness and have the pleasure of sharing with someone.

UGANDAN LADIES...PLIZ!

I find it imperative to assist my Kenyan sistas in attaining a happy new prosperous  attitude, an attitude that will eliminate pernicious phrases such as ‘All Kenyan men are useless’, ‘Kenyan men are a waste of time’ and ‘Kenyan men are dogs’; words that are never uttered by Ugandan ladies about their men. I don’t guarantee instant success, I don’t promise overnight glory but the cognitive riches I’m about to share shall reduce your whining of the opposite sex and elevate you several tiers above your peers.


1. submision
Submission is the first and most critical lesson Kenyan women ought to learn from their landlocked neighbour. Ugandan women are taught that the man is the head and he deserves respect. Ugandan women are empowered, but unlike those who dwell in Kenya, they don’t shove their ‘anything you can do I can do better’ ability in their men’s faces. They instead humble themselves to the laws of nature, society and religion. If Kenyan women learn to say ‘Yes Ssebo’ to their men’s requests, desires and instructions life shall be good. It doesn’t make you a lesser being, just a lesser pain.

2.Appearance

Appearances matter immensely to Ugandan ladies, something that Kenyan women are slowly beginning to embrace. From hair to nails to clothes to shoes Ugandans have perfected the art of capturing the essence of femininity in appearance. A majority of Kenyan women tend to focus more on perfecting fake accents, than their appearance. Yes, you may sound like Paris Hilton, sawa, but if you dress like the mboch it’s not going to happen!

3.sex....love...huh?

Someone made the postulation that Kenyan women give sex for love and Kenyan men give love for sex. However erroneous this quid-pro-quo action is, it’s not pertinent with Ugandan ladies. Sex is not love. One is an emotion the other an action. Yes they are intertwined but separable. Imagine seeing a pair of shoes and realizing you want to get your feet in them shoes over & over again. You buy the shoes and are highly comfortable in them. Then as you innocently walk along the street, you see another pair that you just can’t stop looking at, wondering what it would be like to be in them, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You resist, knowing that you are committed to your wonderful pair but the ‘what would it be like to be in them’ and the ‘just try them on, you don’t have to buy them’ thoughts keep haunting your mind. Then after much cognitive struggle you give in and try them on. You slip into them; wearing socks of course because you have no intention of buying them so must protect them and your feet too, walk around the shop & look in the mirror, then you take them off, leave them at the shop and walk away in your favourite pair of shoes. It’s therefore clear to understand that just because a man sleeps with you it doesn’t mean he loves you, and just because a man sleeps with another woman, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. This is an understanding Ugandan women have and they don’t stress their men for they know he will always come back to them.

 4 you get what you deserve

I have often heard Kenyan women whine that ‘Kenyan men are not gentlemen’ and that they’ve ‘kissed many frogs but none have turned into a Prince’…the answer is simple, do you behave like a lady in the first place to be treated like one or are you a princess deserving of a prince? I believe that one subconsciously relays impulses of how others should treat them. It’s highly involuntary and explains how one lady is treated differently from another by the same person. If you expect to be treated like a lady then you must act like a lady; shouting in a bar and drinking yourself to the ground shan’t aid your plight, nor will having a fake accent and not using deodorant. If you want to be treated like a queen then you must make your man feel like a king; psychological reciprocation is a puissant tool that many overlook, use it my sistas. Kenyan women want it all BUT aren’t prepared to get their hands or knees dirty for it (for the pervs who horned in on the ‘knees’ bit I meant kneeling in respect,  not fellatio…although that too could elicit the royal treatment). Ugandan women will kneel for their men and their men in return crown them as their queens.

5 BEDROOM BOREDOM
Kenyan women are the most learned in East Africa, the most independent in East Africa, the most liberated in East Africa but the most naïve on carnal knowledge in East Africa (ask any Kenyan man who has been to Uganda and has sampled the local ‘delicacy’). Sadly the Kenyan society has never allowed its women to be free about their sexuality and this has worked against them. Fortunately it’s never too late to learn new ways to thrust your pelvis, grind the garlic, choke the bishop (I love chess) or making the beast with two backs. Information is widely available on the internet, video library, books, younger siblings…oh yes; they know more about sex than we do. East Africans have evolved; sex is no longer the taboo it once was when we were growing up, homosexuality is now openly discussed, contraceptives are displayed in the open and even sold at supermarkets so there is no excuse. Ugandan women are taught the art of satisfying a man at an early age and their men don’t stray, they always come back home.

So before you call your man useless, a dog or a good for nothing useless dog, ask yourself this ‘Have I given my dog an irresistible bone that will ensure he comes home?’