Sunday 17 July 2011

UGANDAN LADIES...PLIZ!

I find it imperative to assist my Kenyan sistas in attaining a happy new prosperous  attitude, an attitude that will eliminate pernicious phrases such as ‘All Kenyan men are useless’, ‘Kenyan men are a waste of time’ and ‘Kenyan men are dogs’; words that are never uttered by Ugandan ladies about their men. I don’t guarantee instant success, I don’t promise overnight glory but the cognitive riches I’m about to share shall reduce your whining of the opposite sex and elevate you several tiers above your peers.


1. submision
Submission is the first and most critical lesson Kenyan women ought to learn from their landlocked neighbour. Ugandan women are taught that the man is the head and he deserves respect. Ugandan women are empowered, but unlike those who dwell in Kenya, they don’t shove their ‘anything you can do I can do better’ ability in their men’s faces. They instead humble themselves to the laws of nature, society and religion. If Kenyan women learn to say ‘Yes Ssebo’ to their men’s requests, desires and instructions life shall be good. It doesn’t make you a lesser being, just a lesser pain.

2.Appearance
Appearances matter immensely to Ugandan ladies, something that Kenyan women are slowly beginning to embrace. From hair to nails to clothes to shoes Ugandans have perfected the art of capturing the essence of femininity in appearance. A majority of Kenyan women tend to focus more on perfecting fake accents, than their appearance. Yes, you may sound like Paris Hilton, sawa, but if you dress like the mboch it’s not going to happen!

3.sex....love...huh?
Someone made the postulation that Kenyan women give sex for love and Kenyan men give love for sex. However erroneous this quid-pro-quo action is, it’s not pertinent with Ugandan ladies. Sex is not love. One is an emotion the other an action. Yes they are intertwined but separable. Imagine seeing a pair of shoes and realizing you want to get your feet in them shoes over & over again. You buy the shoes and are highly comfortable in them. Then as you innocently walk along the street, you see another pair that you just can’t stop looking at, wondering what it would be like to be in them, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You resist, knowing that you are committed to your wonderful pair but the ‘what would it be like to be in them’ and the ‘just try them on, you don’t have to buy them’ thoughts keep haunting your mind. Then after much cognitive struggle you give in and try them on. You slip into them; wearing socks of course because you have no intention of buying them so must protect them and your feet too, walk around the shop & look in the mirror, then you take them off, leave them at the shop and walk away in your favourite pair of shoes. It’s therefore clear to understand that just because a man sleeps with you it doesn’t mean he loves you, and just because a man sleeps with another woman, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. This is an understanding Ugandan women have and they don’t stress their men for they know he will always come back to them.

 4 you get what you deserve

I have often heard Kenyan women whine that ‘Kenyan men are not gentlemen’ and that they’ve ‘kissed many frogs but none have turned into a Prince’…the answer is simple, do you behave like a lady in the first place to be treated like one or are you a princess deserving of a prince? I believe that one subconsciously relays impulses of how others should treat them. It’s highly involuntary and explains how one lady is treated differently from another by the same person. If you expect to be treated like a lady then you must act like a lady; shouting in a bar and drinking yourself to the ground shan’t aid your plight, nor will having a fake accent and not using deodorant. If you want to be treated like a queen then you must make your man feel like a king; psychological reciprocation is a puissant tool that many overlook, use it my sistas. Kenyan women want it all BUT aren’t prepared to get their hands or knees dirty for it (for the pervs who horned in on the ‘knees’ bit I meant kneeling in respect,  not fellatio…although that too could elicit the royal treatment). Ugandan women will kneel for their men and their men in return crown them as their queens.

5 BEDROOM BOREDOM
Kenyan women are the most learned in East Africa, the most independent in East Africa, the most liberated in East Africa but the most naïve on carnal knowledge in East Africa (ask any Kenyan man who has been to Uganda and has sampled the local ‘delicacy’). Sadly the Kenyan society has never allowed its women to be free about their sexuality and this has worked against them. Fortunately it’s never too late to learn new ways to thrust your pelvis, grind the garlic, choke the bishop (I love chess) or making the beast with two backs. Information is widely available on the internet, video library, books, younger siblings…oh yes; they know more about sex than we do. East Africans have evolved; sex is no longer the taboo it once was when we were growing up, homosexuality is now openly discussed, contraceptives are displayed in the open and even sold at supermarkets so there is no excuse. Ugandan women are taught the art of satisfying a man at an early age and their men don’t stray, they always come back home.

So before you call your man useless, a dog or a good for nothing useless dog, ask yourself this ‘Have I given my dog an irresistible bone that will ensure he comes home?’

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous hapo juu...they are all those things and more, some even worse than those. Pole lakini. BUT, I have had three ugandan girlfriends...and except for having 'generous ?derrieres' (like one wud put it) they are not any different a f*k than kenyan chicks or tz chicks for that matter. (Bn around kiasi)

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Anonymous said...

Sad to see how much we've objectified women (Ugandan, Kenyan or whatever) that sex is a cookie for men and a determinant of whether they'll stay around. This is the friggen 21 century, a man ought to know where his worth is and a woman will easily follow his lead. But in no way will I be and obsequious Barbie doll sucking up to different whims(not necessarily kneeling down). calling it a mental connection. We're All feminists, of different kinds.

Anonymous said...

A brief comment as I am mzungu from north America looking for an African woman for my wife. Over 65% of marriages fail in North America in the first 5 years, women feel once married they own their men, and treat them like servants, the old saying I wanted to be treated like a Queen is a stigma detrimental to men. In a home of two people only one can be a Queen, the other a servant...now the women are making divorce an industry for retirement and only care about the wallet of the men.

So keep up with the Feminist movement and you will be exactly as your north American sisters. frustrated, mean, greedy and lonely.

I met and fell in love with one Kenyan woman with a child, father unknown. In 6 weeks I was told how much she loved me, had to go to the hospital for an operation at my expense, upgraded her living accommodation, and lifestyle, spent $1,000's each week in her guiding me in entertainment only to pass each night. I had sex 4 times with her during this fiasco event but did waken up to her friends who all had 'boyfriends' in Europe, with their Kenyan lovers living in their supported apartments driving nice cars and healthy lifestyle. I heard all sorts of stories about strippers and bitches losing their mzungu because the got too greedy and caught with another man.
Sex is traded like a currency with these Kenyan women to strong arm the men...while proclaiming love.
For me I wanted a woman who liked to have fun was open minded in our relationship and easy on the eyes.
I finally broke it off from her because all I saw was words not actions.
The funny thing is that she accused me of using her!!! I went through $21,000 in 5 months on her.
I simply told her I was expecting for her be as adventurous as her past, to allow our lives together as husband and wife to be fun...
Her response was NO because I love you they are just playthings, jokers for fun...I thought I wished I was a joker.
Sad thing is she is now doing the same thing she was before, writing to me promising the world on deaf ears. When will Kenyan women know when they have it good, actually CARE about their man's feelings, and give in a little because they have a good provider and loving partner.

Next time I go to Uganda and find my wife.
If any of you ladies read this I hope you learn soemthing

Africa Dating said...

Tunapenda watoto wa Uganda. Sexy and feminine

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